Warning: long entry ahead and reader discretion is advised.
Over the past few years, I have been hyper-sensitive to any little ache, pain, or discomfort. Almost always, the problem disappears as stealthily as it came. However, for the last several months I’ve been having increasing pain in my upper right arm. At rest, it is completely pain free, but if I use it wrong, look out. Actually, I first noticed this pain while descending to the pool equipment area a few months back, and used my right arm to steady myself against the fence. I might have been a little wobbly that day, and relied more upon the right arm than usual, but whatever it was, I received a sharp rebuke from the back of my upper arm.
I don’t think it is a symptom of MS. I think it is some sort of a wicked muscle strain that has resulted from awkward exertion and constant bracing. Over the last little while, it seems to be getting worse. The smallest things can set it off: pulling up the bed sheet from the wrong angle, reaching for the bar in the closet too quickly, turning on a light switch as I hastily amble by…I am confronted with about five seconds of searing, soul-shattering pain. I accept that I have a relatively low pain threshold but, wow.
I am growing accustomed to using my left arm for a lot of things -- good thing I am left-handed! My chiropractor tried giving my neck an adjustment. No improvement. My neurologist suggested stretches. No improvement. I think I need to try a physical therapist.
If you are still reading, you must be one of those people that have to look as they drive by an accident scene. You don’t want to see anything gory but you are somehow viscerally compelled to look. This story got worse this morning. Around 7 a.m., I was returning to bed after using the restroom. Ordinarily I would stay up but the sleeping pills I had taken were still weighing heavy on me. I was a little off-balance and insanely groggy so I thought I’d try to sleep for another hour. I sat on the edge of our elevated bed, leaned back gingerly before swinging my legs in. I swiveled and threw my legs up and I immediately had a problem: I was not on the bed far enough and now I was helplessly falling off. Fortunately I was able to avoid the nightstand and suffered no injury from this short fall, except one thing. I had reflexively attempted to stop my fall by using my right elbow as a brace. If I could have screamed, I’m sure I would have. This was without question the most pain I have ever felt.
Kara got up and asked if I was OK. I don’t say this flippantly when I say that I could not answer. I was in such pain that I could not will myself to even begin an answer. She asked again, “Are you OK?” I shook my head no and began sobbing. She didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to do. The worst pain I have ever felt and this time it was longer than five seconds and is was not relenting. I broke out into a cold sweat.
I tried to speak again but couldn’t. But what could I say anyway? Call 911? And say what?, “My husband’s arm is really hurting him, but there is no outward sign of trauma.” They would probably tell her to take me to a chiropractor or do more stretches. (And that I’m a big baby.) She needed to start her kid-rousing so I composed myself a little and said, “I’m OK.” It was a total lie but what could she do?
Well, time (and Advil) helped to temper the pain. I’ve been extra careful all day. I even took my turns in Facebook Scrabble using my left hand. I’ve had several hours to reflect upon today’s bad start and here is what I have:
- I didn’t know that you could feel such intense physical pain without going unconscious or at least going into shock. (I may have been in the early stages of shock with the sweating. Or I just might be the World’s biggest drama queen. Early stages of shock? Where do I come up with this stuff?)
- If there is something to be learned, I’d better learn it well because I never want to experience that much pain again.
- I considered how “The Son of Man hath descended below them all” and that the Savior suffered more than we can ever know. Wow. Just one member of my body hurt, I sweated only sweat, and given the opportunity to pass, I would have. I would have flung the cup. My point is not the obvious: that I pale in comparison to the Savior, but rather, how today, more than ever before, I stand all amazed.
