Dreaming

In my dream last night I was frustrated that some of my friends we're singing, in parts, but I couldn't join them because of present vocal concerns. This isn't the first time that Dream Dave had to opt out of activities because of limitations. A few weeks ago I dreamed that my brothers invited me to join them in a soccer game, but I had to decline. What were they thinking? I'm no good. I can't run. But wait...it wasn't until I awoke that I realized Dream Dave can do it - he can do anything. He runs real fast without tiring, does bicycle kicks, and scores every time. And he can sing too! I've got to figure out how to confine my nightmare to waking hours!

Megabite

It is called pseudo bulbar and it is a subtle yet terribly frustrating MS symptom. I’ve referred to it before as “loosely tethered emotions” which means it is difficult to stifle a snicker or sob. The former is much more problematic, especially when disciplining teenagers. If their response is 99% defiant and 1% ridiculous, I giggle. Kara says, “It’s not funny!” and I agree, but I can’t help it. Well, maybe I can but I don’t know how to do it.

I learned one way to control it last night. I attended Ryan’s choir concert at the high school. I was alone because Erika also had a concert at the same time. The lights dimmed and the first number began. It was a group of girls completely devoid of my progeny. However, from the opening chords I was struck with the thoughts, “Amanda used to sing here” and “I really miss her.”

These are reasonable parental thoughts but with my condition, I could not afford those thoughts. As my lips began to quiver I quickly tried to think of something else. Baseball. The Angels are in Chicago tonight. Well, all but one; one is in Provo. Cue wave of emotion. C’mon, pull it together man. Pay attention to the number; these girls are singing well. I mean, it might be better with….dang it. You look like a freak, sitting alone starting to shudder. You’re going to have to walk out if you can’t control it. I bit my knuckle. It hurt but it was working.

I am happy to report that I was able to stay composed and enjoy the concert, my finger is still intact, and that Ryan was amazing!!

Signs

Positives

· I had my semi-annual visit with my neurologist a few weeks ago. I was glad to see that I had gained five pounds and she said that my walking is measurably improved (but still kinda bad.)

· Guy at church said I look healthier, asked if I was feeling better. Dry-cleaning lady made a similar observation

· I have been down to ½ a sleeping pill for a few weeks now

· Right arm has been steadily increasing mobility. As a segue into the negatives, I was showing off the improved right-arm mobility to Kara as we were walking through a parking lot and I was made to learn that she does not appreciate public displays of mobility, especially if they appear to be of a Nazi persuasion.

OK, now the real negatives

· A.M. re-entry is still pretty bad; worst 20 minutes of the day. I have to stretch a lot and my body just kind of shudders for a few seconds.

· I still can overheat easily and I need to be careful. It was warm out Saturday and I tried to be a hero and that isn’t good. I did walk around the block last week, and though the last little stretch (3-4 homes) was difficult, It has been worse!

· Voice isn’t worse, and maybe it is a little better than six months ago, but it is definitely still bad.

I won’t go into every symptom but suffice it to say that overall, I’m OK. Some things have definitely improved and others are definitely worse. (See why I don’t update this blog very often?)