More Complete Answer

I wrote in the last post that I fielded a lot of questions about my health condition during priesthood Sunday. I was not able to give a complete answer then for various reasons, so I’ll try to answer it here:

Question: With all these limitations and challenges, how do you stay so positive?

Answer: I’m not always positive. I get down, no question. My nervous system is compromised, and although there are “good” stretches and “bad” stretches, compared to pre-illness they are all bad. The constancy is discouraging.

So how do I stay as positive as I am? I mentioned Sunday that despite my challenge, my “blessings-to-trials” ratio is still obscenely high. Of course I count among my choicest blessings my wife and children, but also my priesthood and my testimony have been tremendous blessings. On top of that are the many service, educational, and professional opportunities I have enjoyed.

Also, of significance is my extended family. We all love our parents, but I consider mine to be legendary. As part of their legacy they have given me five remarkable brothers and four loving, talented, and beautiful sisters. And add to that their eight spouses (so far) and 33 nieces and nephews (just on my side of the family). And it isn’t the eye-popping quantities in which I feel blessed. I enjoy being with every single one of them. Who has that? Seriously, putting the kids aside, I have nine siblings and I get along well with every one of them. Additionally, I consider each of the men my sisters married to be a dear friend. (I’ve known two of them since we were teens.) And all four of my brothers’ wives are an inspiration to me. Who is encircled by so many wonderful and caring people? I’m not trying to brag, everyone has their own unique blessings, but just the thought of this blessing quickly dissipates discouragement. I have learned that gratitude and self-pity cannot coexist, and that the latter leads to no where good.

Further, there is something about loss that makes us more grateful for what we have. Because I cannot run, I am tremendously grateful that I can walk! Does that make sense? Like everyone, I love my children dearly, and I didn’t think my heart could be any more tender towards them but then three years ago one of my young nieces was suddenly and tragically taken from us. The loss made me acutely more grateful that my children are safe and well. I don’t mean to trivialize that loss by comparing it to my functional losses, but in both cases my heart seems to have become more sensitive and caring.

Lastly, I understand the plan of salvation, or plan of happiness. Life (and health) on Earth is transient. I believe that Christ's victory over the grave extends to victory over declining health. But isn’t it a bummer that I got this disease at such a young age? Well, most people with MS are diagnosed between the ages of 20-40 so in that regard I was one of the fortunate ones. Also, thousands and thousands of people have suffered from far worse at younger ages.

But isn’t it hard? Absolutely. I hate it. But does that matter? No, not at all. What does matter is my attitude, and that is something I can control. I cannot guarantee that I will always be positive, but today I feel grateful for all that I have.