Many times each day I assess my condition. I wish I didn’t as this self-diagnosis is as biased as it is meaningless. The purpose of my life is not to give myself constant feedback on how I’m doing. Does it really matter if one day walking is a little more labored than the day before? Or less? I have learned to not despair during the bad times and I am very aware of and grateful for the better times.
And as I have mentioned here before, the changing of my condition is very subtle and gradual. It is sometimes hard for me to recognize the changes. In a lot of cases, my limitations are not visible to others and really are not measurable. Sometimes I suspect that I have adapted to them rather than they have lessened in severity. Our innate ability to do that, to become accustomed to life’s little difficulties thus minimizing them, I believe, is one of God’s mercies.
That said, I must admit that I have experienced a definite improvement in my vision over the past, say six months? I still do not see detail well as there seem to be little blind spots still, and it wasn’t like I woke up one day and said, “Hey I can see better!” But when I consider how difficult it used to be to read anything from paper, compared to today, I have to admit that it is more than assimilation. I still drive very cautiously but I see better.
Sunday as I was reading the hymn as the congregation sang, I thought back to 2007; I could read the words back then, but it took a moment of fixation and usually the tempo of even the slowest hymns outpaced my reading. The ward organist would e-mail the week’s hymns to me in advance so I could learn the verses better. In 2008 I told him that it was no longer needed, even though it still kind of was. I just felt bad giving him one more thing to worry about when sometimes I wouldn’t take the time to learn the verses, and I couldn’t sing anyway. But now I really don’t need it.
So I don’t know when it happened but the optic neuritis is not as bad as it once was. I am looking forward to the day I can say that about my voice, but am very grateful for this measure of mercy.
4 comments:
Headed in the right direction. Excellent news! Thanks for sharing. Keep the inflammation down!
1st off---i chuckled when you talked about your self-assessment...you can't helpbut assess yourself---mr. "determine my net worth very day"
2nd off--i decided not to say it here...you'll have to wait and see if i remember it while at bear lake...
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I absolutely LOVE that the organist would do that.
I have overheard my Mom thanking different people in our ward for doing things for Sara and me that she would like to do if she lived here.
It is nice to know that there are good people there that will fill in for family that is a long way away.
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