Guardian Angel

This morning we had the church cleaning assignment. I love those. I get to rouse the kids early and start a Saturday out right. We always go for donuts afterwards too. Ryan also seemed to be looking forward to it. The girls were OK with the idea too, last night, but his morning it was a little challenging to tear themselves away from their beds. But they did and the four of us made our way to the church (Kara is still out of town.)

Unfortunately, I have to consider my limitations when doing, well, anything, but I could do this. I am feeling a lot better than when we did this last time. This notwithstanding, as we lined up to get our specific work assignments I was secretly hoping for “arrange hymnals.” I did this last time and the nice thing about it is you can sit down whenever necessary. I crossed my fingers. Then I heard the sister ask a pair of 6-year-old girls to do the hymnals. Dang. We should have got there sooner; the competition is stiff for the baby jobs.

They asked me if I would man the big vacuum. Sure, I think. I figured at least it was something I could lean on. It was like a walker with noise! No problem. Well, no problem at first, but as my body temperature rises, my walking skills rapidly decline. I had done about 60% of the job when I noticed that it was getting pretty hard. Just then my “guardian angel” named Ryan appeared. “Dad, I can finish that. Why don’t you rest for a minute?” Whew.  You know, I don't think he just happened to wander past.  He's always mindful of me, which is a concept that brings me a curious mix of joy and sorrow.

I mean, I loved that he offered, but I hated that I had to take him up on it.  Also, I hated sitting on the couch like I was relaxing as everyone was busily cleaning. I know everyone there understands but I wished I had a sign that read “Just cooling off so I can make it back to the car.” OK, that is hyperbole; it wasn’t that bad. How about, “Cooling off but covered by progeny.”

While I sat there, the bishop’s 2-year-old daughter wandered by. She was not cleaning either so I didn’t feel so bad. She was watching her brothers clean the outside of the glass doors; I figured that I could at least keep an eye on her. Probably not necessary but I wasn’t doing anything else. So that is how I spent the last 15 minutes. Many hands make light work and soon we were off to Donut King. Don’t worry; I abstained for my diet’s sake but the kids were well-rewarded. Great morning.

Constitutionally Broke

Not broken, just broke. I mean by that is that I cannot emotionally afford to do things like contemplate or reminisce very much. One evening last month I innocently strayed a little too far in these waters and the result was not pretty. It was just during a nice moment at our family reunion. Dusk was nearing, the evening was cool, and everyone was gathering for fireworks. I was sitting on the patio just observing. The kids were playing so well. Natalie and Erika especially were in “cousin heaven.” I couldn’t help but consider how fortunate I am to be part of this family. Not bragging but it is basically perfect. Not the individuals, but I am convinced that collectively there is no finer group.

As soon as I had these thoughts I quickly changed my focus to something else, anything else, my sandals, baseball cards, fireworks safety, etc. Whew. That was a close call. OK, who do the Angels play today?

Anyway, my sister sat beside me but she didn’t say anything. I think the silence begged for a contemplative statement. I figured I was safe because I’d already had the thoughts; I was OK. I wanted to say “Sometimes I think we have the best family, ever.” I tried to say it quickly but I was not fast enough. The torrent of emotion surged and completely overpowered me cutting off the last two words entirely. I get so mad at this. My family already worries too much about me without my spontaneous sobbing. I hastily excused myself and walked a few steps away. I covered my face and felt racked with emotion. I cursed myself for this weakness. Of course she followed me, concerned that I was not OK. A brother-in-law noticed the little scene and asked if something was wrong.

It was evidence that they are watching out for me. Heaven forbid there really was something wrong. Had I stumbled or something there would surely be ten hands there to catch me. I do not deserve this attention, I do not want this care, and I hate sounding false alarms like this. Nothing was wrong; just the opposite, everything was so right that, when contemplated just for a minute, the signals in my head somehow got all whacked out.

Today my baby left for college. It is a day just begging for reflection, contemplation and tears. But I can’t afford that. I’m broke. I am home alone today, so no need to worry about a scene, but I just stay focused on present concerns. I knew this was coming and I am really excited for her. She is just going to school. In fact, it will be easier for me to communicate with her now. Maybe I can save up a little composure and cry my eyes out next week but not today.

Going Nuts

So after a month of eggs and turkey bacon five days a week I wanted to branch out. I know toast is on the prohibited list for me (something about flour being a thyroid stressor) but what about hash browns?

I asked Dr. Ardis and in a display that he’s starting to anticipate possible ulterior motives, he said, “At McDonald’s? No, not OK.”

“No,” I explained, at home, where I actually shred potatoes, brown potatoes, organic turkey-brown potatoes I think.”

He said that would be OK, but that I should fry them in coconut oil. Even though I’d never heard of that, I nodded as if I was an old hand at alternative oils. I didn’t even know coconuts had oil, but sure, why not? If turkey can have bacon…I'm learning all kinds of things.

I secretly crossed my fingers then I timidly asked, “Ketchup?”

He asked, “At home?”

Lesson #8

So, it is Lesson Eve again. This week I am combining two lessons because the fist one just didn’t have enough traction, by that I mean I just could not glean 45 minutes worth of actionable teachings. Besides, I have five more  sessions this year to cover seven lessons.

I will say that I feel very ready this week. I think I’ve gotten past worrying about the voice. The class is used to it by now. I’m sure I will still be a little self-conscious and while teaching I will get a little frustrated but it will be OK.  The highlight is sure to be Ryan joining us to do some role-play.  He'll be reading a couple of short scripted dialogs opposite a friend of mine.

Health update: Wednesday I began a new treatment.  It is a spray called "Metal Free" and is supposed to be very potent at removing metals from your system.  I am having a pretty good week diet-wise.  I think the doc will be happy.  I've eaten no candy or had no soda.  For most of today I felt very tired, but not uncomfortable. My biggest stress was getting the lesson finished.