Today I read my sister-in-law Rachel's blog entry about singing to her children each night. I love that she does this, and that sometimes Stephen joins in. I love that I did this too for my kids, and I find myself emotionally caught between sadness that I can no longer sing to my children and gratitude that MS didn't steal my voice until my youngest was eight. I think she was about done with bedtime songs anyway; isn't that a convenient time to lose your voice? But I know at nine, she would still enjoy it. She wasn't done yet.
Her favorite for years was Edelweiss, and I used to add an extra chorus, with custom lyrics. Where the song goes, "Blossoms of snow…" I would sing something like, "Daddy loves Missy Kay and my boy; Mandy Cole and my Natty Joy." I had dozens of versions, but they always included all the children, and always rhymed. Saturday night as I was tucking Natalie in, I was a bit wistful about not being able to sing. But I could whisper! I leaned in close to her and whispered, "Daddy loves Amanda and Eri K., Ryan David and Natty J." She smiled and said, "I remember those!" I have to remind myself that just because I can't sing, doesn't mean I can't touch their hearts. The gratitude vs. sorrow scale just tipped to the good side.
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My Black Cloud
In 2006, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, or MS. I had heard of this disease, but knew nothing about it. I have since learned that really is more of a symptom than a disease -- tiny little scars on the nerve membranes of the brain and spinal cord. These scars are evidence that something in your body went wrong and nerve damage is the result. Exactly what nerves are damaged, and to what extent, is highly individualized. I'm certain there are many causes just as there are many "cures." The trick is figuring out yours.
When the problems began I was troubled by how omnipresent it was. I thought about it ALL the time, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The symptoms weren’t terribly acute, but they were so pervasive that I rarely would get a mental break. Besides, I am a worrier and that didn’t help.
By October 2007, problems with my eyesight, voice, and energy levels were interfering enough with my profession that I went on medical leave.
So there you have it. That is my “black cloud.” However, there are a lot of “silver linings” and I continue to feel that despite this challenge, I am one of the most blessed men alive. So why blog? Actually, I have another blog that chronicles funny thoughts and happy experiences, but only lightly touches on my illness. (There is a link to that site below.) The purpose of this blog is to share more directly how I am doing physically and emotionally. I hope it will help allay concern of family and friends that don’t see me often. Sure, it still dramatically affects me, but there are signs of improvement in some areas.
When the problems began I was troubled by how omnipresent it was. I thought about it ALL the time, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The symptoms weren’t terribly acute, but they were so pervasive that I rarely would get a mental break. Besides, I am a worrier and that didn’t help.
By October 2007, problems with my eyesight, voice, and energy levels were interfering enough with my profession that I went on medical leave.
So there you have it. That is my “black cloud.” However, there are a lot of “silver linings” and I continue to feel that despite this challenge, I am one of the most blessed men alive. So why blog? Actually, I have another blog that chronicles funny thoughts and happy experiences, but only lightly touches on my illness. (There is a link to that site below.) The purpose of this blog is to share more directly how I am doing physically and emotionally. I hope it will help allay concern of family and friends that don’t see me often. Sure, it still dramatically affects me, but there are signs of improvement in some areas.
Link to my happy blog
About Me
- David
- I am the third-born of ten children. I am a card-carrying member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon). I served a two-year mission in Argentina and later taught Spanish at the Missionary Training Center. I am married to a beautiful woman and we have four children. I have a bachelor's degree in economics and an MBA from BYU.
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